Citadel Press

Here are some photos of my trip to Manchester with Marcus. The film came out badly, badly, badly :( I am really upset it didn't work as well as it should, but I still paid £16 for it. Never trust Jessops.









You can click on them and they go bigger.

Look at me.

Grandad was very, very charming today. He always is a very nice ol' fellow. But today in particular I noticed a difference. He stood up to greet me, which I don't really like him doing, we hugged and he held my hands and said 'look at those beautiful eyes' I just wanted to cry.
He looked very well and healthy. Oh dear.

I was told my hair appointment is at 3 when it was about 1 o'clock today. Mum (L). So I got a full head, which isn't what I usually do. In the hairdressers, it looked quite nice and I was pleased with it. Out of the hairdressers I look like it has actually gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. I hate it. And will have to wear it in a certain way for a long time to try and disguise it. What an embarrassment to myself and everyone who says 'no, no...you should like it! It's very nice!'

Tomorrow it's New Years Eve and I have started drinking now. I expect for tomorrow to be one long day in work, quite drunk. However, Marcus Barnett has just invited me to watch Yes Man, the silly new Jim Carey film. I love Jim Carey and expect this to be like Liar Liar. So...we will have to see what I can sort out if my plan is going to work :|

I am going to get the films developed tomorrow, and I am VERY excited about it :D I have been imagining the frames all day, numerous, numerous fun-time-frames.

I just spell checked and I had none! Except for the 'ol' at the top. I think I have just raised the bar guys, come join me up here.

Vol. 4

Today was better than any Christmas day I have ever had.

Marcus Barnett and I went to Manchester primarily to go to see the Black Panther exhibition we have been meaning to go and see for a while. It was lovely and I learnt alot, which isn't usual. It was a nicely moving exhibition and gives me a better idea of how to screen print effectively too! Although the woman who was interviewing Emory Douglas was insanely blank and not genuine looking in any way. She was also a black woman, so you'd expect her to have more of a passionate input considering the context. She was horrific

We also went to a nice Pizza place that Anne Barnett has been going to for 40 years. It was a delight because we got to sit right next to the window where they made food. It was delightful/awkward. I tried to take a picture of our pizzas being freshly prepared ;) but the cook stuck his THUMBS UP!!!! right in the frame. I bet one of them has been covered up. He was a character though.

I got photographs of Marcus Barnett in various places for the series I am going to call either 'Vol. 4' or 'Marcus Barnett in Various Places' it's a tough one. There were...
Marcus Barnett in..

• Pizza Place
• waterstones
• record shop (although I don't remember this one)
  
• music shop
• old place near music shop
• streets
• train station
• corner house
• various other places.

I imagine it will be a rather lovely set of prints for me to put into a book and give Anne and Steve at his funeral. I'm also going to kill him by the way.

We also discussed names for our Attitude Antlers songs and I can tell you, they're corkers! They're currently in my 'saved messages' and were sent several times to each other over the table. On the subject of our new enterprise, we acquired a ukulele. A spongebob ukulele. It's yellow and has a yellow plectrum too, (I imagine they threw that part in for free). Marcus played it to me for a while when we were stood next to two geese who later flew off to kill a man.

The rest of the day was spent just hanging around really. It was nice. URBAN EXPLORATION!!!!!

I got home to find a letter from the horrible Miss Teen UK people asking me to send in some details after the application form at the clothes show. Mum really wants me to do it, but I don't think it's my scene, nor am I willing to embarrass myself in this way. It makes me feel horrible.

I will post the pictures when I get them developed, hopefully tomorrow.

just gets worse

I just came out of the garage with a glass of coke. The coke is in the garage you see. Mum stopped me, looked me in the eye and asked if I had vodka in it.
Do I look like the kind of person who sneaks vodka into her beverages? I must do.

I'll Tell The Kids

I have had the most tearful day in the entire history of days.

Tomorrow should be better but also could be worse if I get 'the call' from my mum. I hope it's better. I'm going to be wearing a pretty cool jumper ;)

I don't have anything else to say now

Gossip In The Grain

I am spo drunk.
I love being drunki, it's the best feeling. I neer get sad like I usually do.
I just called my favouyrite Marcus Barnett and e had a little chat. Aparent;y he's taking me on an adeventiure around Salford, but not anymore. We'rew going to spend the afternoon in Temple Bar and get wasted. That's ,my plan anyway, even if he's not there ;) hahaha.

Ny Dad was at his best today. I hafd to go to the toiley 4 times in fear of wetting myself. He was SO funny. My dad is usually a fucking good comedian but he was in a ball today. I loved it.

update on 28th- I DELETED THIS PARAGRAPH BECAUSE I'M AN ABSOLUTE WANKER.

Tomorrow I am at worrk sdo I bettert stop on the Rum :) I love being accepted into a normal drinking situation. My brother said 'I like that everyone is in a drinking circumstance now, rather than it being taboo' :D:D:D HYE MEANSME!

Gotta love the brother and the dad

Dad: 'PECKHAM TORNADO!!!!!#'

fucking love.

Yuletide

I drew a picture of a swan and Mel Brooks smoking a cigar for Marcus Barnett. Anne Barnett asked him to stand it up next to the Christmas cards. This is the best thing you will ever find on this blog OR ANY.
Anne Barnett will be loved forever by me. True acceptance is the most heartwarming.
Up there on cloud nine, again!

Monday was my 18th birthday. I loved it. Mum woke me up in the morning by smushing my face and going 'birthday girl, birthday girl!' and pushing you shoulders so I bounced in my bed. It was the best.
I did various things that day that involved family and friends. It was a nice birthday. Went out for cider at noon in the 'local' which was fun. HellyP text me during the day with the word 'quids' indicating that it's quids night at Roper and I should be there.
So Nicola and I met her in Greyfriars, got one of those pitcher things, it was delicious but all I could think about whilst drinking it was 'cranberry juice is good for your wee'.
Steffyleffy didn't show. LET DOWN, so we headed to Revs because Clithy said he had vodka waiting for us :) It was just me he had the vodka waiting for, and it was a rack of shots I had to do by myself. That's 6 shots in the first 10 minutes. We then got champs and cosmos and some more shots. It was really fun. Some guy behind the bar told me I'm Revolution material and I should drop in my CV to get a job there. CASH BACK.
We went to Roper. It was packed and we got marked to get it. I made a big point about how I hated being stained on a night out :|
We had a boogie, some guy utterly bullshitted at me about working at a magazine in Manchester, because when he asked me what I wanted to be I said 'a photojournalist' he asked 'a what?!' and made me explain it. He also asked me if he needed ID to get into an over 21s bar and later said he could get me on the guest list. I was having none of it, so I got away.
We did too many apple sours to mention and cider and something and coke, it could have been rohypnol and coke for all I know!
I fell down the stairs twice and we went home. It was a very nice night, but all the places had closed- Monday.
Least favourite part- Portuguese man following us to a taxi rank and asking Nicola if she wanted the cheek kisses to be more on the lips :|.


Today is Christmas day, but this post is too long for that story.
My sister woke me up with 'i love you...PLEASE DON'T HIT ME!' (L)

Safety Button Pops Up When Original Seal is Broken

Hello,
It's my birthday right now.


I danced for a little bit, but now I'm going to go and sleep.

Coming of Age.

'and once we were decking this lad at water fights so his mum went out and bought him a really ace super soaker from toys r us just so he could win and he got really cocky'
Gotta be Barnett.


Tomorrow is my 18th birthday. I think I am more excited about having a day for myself, rather than the celebration of life.

On Friday, I went to Manchester with Marcus Barnett and Samuel Nicholas. It was our last day of college and I spent approximately 15 minutes in the building. It was a very enjoyable day, despite the dreadful weather and consequently ridiculous appearance on my part.
ATTITUDE ANTLERS.
And our love, 52 loverboi on the terrible train packed full of horrendous women. I hated it, but loved it also. The woman next to us was wild for the jokes the boys were cracking. She probably loved them both.
You'd expect charity workers in shops to be kind and helpful wouldn't you? What do we get? 'IT'S NOT FANCY DRESS YOU KNOW'. Simply trying on the jumpers lady! We decided to all go back upstairs and each wear a jumper. It's the most incredibly comfortable thing imaginable. It's our uniform.
I also found the exact jumper Marcus was wearing on the day and bought it :) That's also very comfortable and I'm going to wear it on days out because it's one of my favourite colours.
It was a funny, funny day :)

Saturday night was my birthday party. It was a success. I was donning the killer heels and lbd. I'm angry that I couldn't find an alternative dress to the lbd, so I was in the same ol' dressypoopoo (but with £38 worth of bracelets).
I was rocking the hostess scene for a while at the beginning. The place started to fill up, which meant I didn't get any drinks for a long time. When I finally go to them a little later on, I realised I wasn't drunk at all and needed to catch up, so I hit the straight martini.

Kev: 'say when....'
*drink overspills*
Kathryn: 'when'.

I was made to make 2 speeches, so I bullet pointed it. No need to hang around.
1. thanks for coming
2. thanks for the kind gifts
3. have a nice night
4. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Bam, bam, bam, bam. They went wild for it. I was also 'set up' and ol uncle john said. Mum screamed at me 'KATHRYN, YOUR FRIENDS WANT YOU!' so I went to find them and I was fired at by about 25 part poppers :|. A few actually hit me they were at that close-range. It was terrifying, and not something I enjoy to happen to me. THANKS MUM AND 'LIFE LONG' FRIENDS. fuck you all.
The night got bigger and louder as it went on, red wine was spilt to the point that we actually have to redecorate the back room. People were throwing up in both toilets (stay strong boys), fellas were picking up the ladies and Andrew Mckinney and Paul Stobbs were playing guitars for us all. Considering some of these goings-on are not usually what I care to involve myself in, I think I enjoyed it quite alot.
The talking was fun and the drinking games were flowing.
I was sad I didn't get to spend more time with our Nicola Young and our Jessica Dally. I'm waiting for you and NEW YEARS EVE FELLERRRRS!

Tomorrow is my big birthday then and I don't know what I should legally do first. I will probably do something ridiculous like hit the casinos or get cocktails before noon. SUUUUURE. :|
I'm excited to pay tax and have to pay for my own dental care. I'm also excited for my dad to stop paying child benefits to my mum.
Just can't wait :|

Paul is my step dad and Hilary is his sister.
She has been dead for six months and we had no idea. I have never felt more of a horrible person.

She has two children, one is two years old and one is five.

Before she died, she had written christmas cards and birthday cards ready to be sent out when she wasn't around. She has been dead since March and we couldn't even go down to see her.


I don't know how to feel.

This is my life now.
I hate my face, I hate photobooth and I hate wasting my time when I could be working :(


By the way, in my one-to-one with michelle, I found out I got a merit and a distinction.

Here is an extract from my evaluation which she described as 'fluent and in-depth'...

He seems to look fluffy and nicely lines, like he's in a soft focus 80's Moggy Chic magazine where all the cats are nicely back combed and doe-eyed. These prints must have been done on a day where I wanted to absolutely fail because they're all horrific! They're so messy and gross, I'm quite ashamed.

What was I/she thinking?

10.00% Discount - 24

This is going to be terrible.


In other news, Christmas tree ball. Which was a funny/horrible time. I enjoyed the company alot, except when I was outside with Marcus, just hangin' around really because the people out there were shocking, and I think we were sat in the rain :|
Overall, weird night. And that's the second ever time I have cried whilst drunk.
I have a list of embarrassing events from just that one night.



I wish I hated tequila. It makes me forget EVERYTHING important and then remember at the most inopportune of times. No other beverage does that to me.

I have added more because I am in a less-bad mood. Although I am very cold and this silly tshirt I am wearing does not help. I wish I didn't wear inappropriate clothes in such climates.
Yesterday I went to Leeds with Babs, Sue and Ma. I love our annual trips to the big cities, we always have nice fun and lots of laughs. This year was a little less enjoyable that usual because I had a problem looming over me all day. Some terrible looking kids-who-wear-glasses-with-no-lenses said 'she's the saddest looking girl I have ever seen' whilst I was in Urban Outfitters. My eyes watered.
It made me not buy anything there when i could have got some pretty fucking good deals. (A bunch of clothes had been reduced to £4.99). I fully missed out, and skulked back to find mum in a different shop.
In the street there was an escapologist and two music men. One was lovely, but he was white and singing bob Marley songs. It didn't sit well with me. The other was singing terrible power ballads outside B Never Too Busy To Be Beautiful. I love music men in the street, but I was disappointed with Leeds. It's an amazing city.
We went to Bibi's at night. I was JUST about to order a cocktail and I remembered my behaviour of Friday night and just ordered water instead. I keep remembering certain events of that night and my heart breaks every time.
At the table, they all embarrassed me because the waiter specifically told me to enjoy my meal like this, 'okay then Miss...enjoy your meal now wont you?' But in an italian accent. He also made me squeese past him to go to the toilet and apparently watched me walk away. I wish Italian men were less pervy, everytime I have been there it has been awkward and I haven't been able to make eye contact.

I have to have a one-to-one with Michelle in a minute and I know my first second year brief was total shit and she's just going to tell me how wank I did and I'm undoubtedly going to cry in the toilets later. Probably Worden Park Coffee Shop actually, that's my hang out these days.


I have also JUST remembered, when I was going into the christmas ball, the bouncers wanted to see my ticket, which I had stored in my rail card but as I was fumbling to get it out he just said 'don't worry I believe you...' and so I showed my ticket to no one. Where is it now though? I really love/hate tequila.

Blue Skies smilin' on me,

Nothin' but blue skies do I see.

Wednesday was the clothes show. It was great because right at the beginning we asked about 4 people where we go to pick up our press passes and three of them directed us the wrong way :|. So in the press suite the nice woman asked us if we were media, but we were photographers and needed photographer passes to get us in 'the pit'. We hung around there for a while and clipped our passes to our skirts, shirts and dresses :).
I bought a dress, but I did that thing again where I picked up the wrong size, so...amendments will have to be made if I want to wear it at my expressing-amusement-and-merriment-evening. It's really pretty though :) It is a pretty baby pink with a grey bit at the top which has funny flaps. I would suggest people 'ruffle my feathery flaps' but it's where my boobies are :(.
The woman had suggested we go back to the suite before we went into the show so we can all go down as a big working-for-newspaper group and get in through special side doors after flashing our passes at the security!

When we were sat down, resting our sorry bones a woman came over and handed me a badge that read 'I've been scouted!'. She suggested we go to her stall and see what it's all about. It was a beauty pageant :|
Kathryn Heatley, Miss Teen UK.
It certainly doesn't suit. I'm not expecting any calls soon, so we're on safe grounds m8.

It was my brother's birthday on Wednesday also. Pete's big 2-0. The electricity had gone out early that morning (Which meant I got ready IN THE DARK)...it was off ALL day and meant that Pete had to go elsewhere if he wanted to enjoy what was left of hos day :( So he went to Pip's. I was really sad I didn't get to chat with him. I text him during the day to say Happy Birthday and throw yourself down the stairs. He replied saying he's going to strangle me with the belt I bought him. (L) I love my brother.
He's wearing the belt right now ;) he loves it man.

I haven't checked the pictures yet, I imagine there will be some keepers and some 'OMG NO LAD' ones. I will show when I have done a bit to them.
When I was down in 'the pit' taking photographs, many half-naked men threw themselves off the stage and one actually almost hit me. They were so incredibly ripped that if one was to hit me, I would have been totally squashed :(. Dangerous life this photographer business! I didn't like the bodies-on-show, I was embarrassed to take a photograph. The models were brilliant though, looking right at the camera and stopping to wait for the flash. I felt like their friend.

Tomorrow night is the Christmas tree ball. I imagine the place will be filled with hard-faced chumps.
I'm pretty sure I hate everything about my life.

The Physical Impossibility of Ian

Ian- 'Come on James, bang one out.'

James- 'Okay, if you give me a magazine. I might get it all over people though.'

I'm in Graphics because it makes me feel cool.

Jem Southam was a let down, Pop-Up exhibition was somewhat of a let down, The Lowry in general is a no-go, but A Long Exposure was fucking incredible. For a long time I have been flicking between the ideas of portraiture and documentary/photojournalism, and seeing this exhibition has pretty much made my mind up.
Kathryn Heatley- Photojournalist.

Tomorrow, I am going to help Sam with his developing. Get me back in that sweet, sweet red light darkroom. I miss the alone-time. I am so intolerant now, it hurts. I can't wait to get all the chemicals on me. :|......SAD FREAK.

P.S

I think I am sad most of the time now.

No place for boys like you.

Friday night was nice/manic. I went to my old highschool to shoot the fashion show. It was nice really, I got back stage and even got to run around the stage taking photographs quickly. I didn't expect the girls to be quite as stunning. I remember my year being particularly mongy, but pretty much all of the girls in the show had something incredibly beautiful about them. It was a nice and successful evening. This also gave me the chance to talk to my ol' favourite, Mr Garlington. Who is truely the apple of my eye.

Saturday I went to work like I usually do, but I didn't realise I would have the piss taken out of me so much. My boss and various other people left for a two hour break, whilst about four of us (three really, considering one person did FUCK ALL) worked in the most frenzied way at the peak time of the day. There was a constant flow of customers and almost constantly a line through the shop, which kept me from 9 until 3 o'clock when I finally got my break. I had been working since 8:30am.
I hate moaning about work because some people don't have jobs, and mine is usually quite nice so I tend to keep quiet when something bothers me, but this is simply the most ridiculous example of bad management. When I asked to go on my break (which I wouldn't normally do) at 3 o'clock, my boss was so blase and carefree that she had just abandoned us for two hours said 'yeah sure...go for it'. So I fucking did.

At the night time, it was quite nice, but very cold. I was featured in a film which had me out in the streets of Leyland pointing at circular road signs and specifying how mince pie-like they were. At 9:45pm, we had to leave the 24hr Tesco because they were closing at 10pm. WHAT?

Tomorrow I am going to Manchester, to visit the Lowry with the lovely ladies of my course. I am going to go and see A Long Exposure: 100 Years of Guardian Photography and the Pop-Up- Around The World exhibitions. The latter, I'm not expecting much of. But the photography exibiton, I hope will blow me away. I'll take my ol' pal, the pentax along. There is also an exhibition by Jem Southam on, which I wouldn't mind seeing. I'm unsure if they would let me see it though. I will have to use my awesome stealth to worm my way in.

I'm worried I'm becoming haggared.

Michelle called the local newspapers (when I say local, I mean every newspaper up to Bolton) to ask them if they would consider taking our photographs and using them in the paper, they said email them and they would choose! How fun. She also called the clothes show people to ask them if by saying we worked for a newspaper was fraudulent, considering we're students and acted as someone else. They said just bring a passport and a copy of the letter they sent us each, and they would give us our Press Passes! I hope they hang around your neck so we can look important and people would think we're close with Alexander McQueen and Giles. Cheap thrills.



I do wish my life was more exciting.
And I wish I was drunk more often so I have better stories to tell.
Here are a few from the fashion show...

The Tom Jones of the art world.

I hate watching people flirt. It's disgusting and all full of sexual intent. I don't like where I can see it going.




Another classic quote from the physical impossibility of Ian in the mind of someone living,
'Sean Bean? Who the HECK is Sean Bean?....Sean Flippin' Bean....' Said in utter disgust. (L)



I also need to add that Ian just did an impression of In the Night Garden and said 'brap brap and all that'. He also said that ALL teenagers kill people. (L)

'You didn't think she'd come back the same little girl, did you?'

I did, actually.

On Sunday morning, my Mum nearly choked to death. I have never seen anyone cry like she was crying. It was the worst morning I have ever had.

On sunday evening, Sarah came home from Castle Rigg! She was wearing make up and nail varnish. Now, my sister isn't the kind to be wearing make up or nailvarnish. She's quite the little tom boy, but after spending two nights in a room full of girls, she's completely changed. The first words she said to me were 'can I borrow your mascara' and 'some of the people in my room kissed'. She's twelve years old.
I love my sister, she's absolutely amazing, but she didn't crack a joke at all, nor did she smile at me. I don't think I like her new attitude. I told her that make up doesn't make her untouchable, so she should quit with the lip before she gets herself into trouble and she said 'shut your big gob' and walked away. :(
I hate this.

I'm not looking forward to the upcoming two weeks. I imagine it will be stressful to say the least. I have so many things to do, all of which involve being very nice to people.
However, this wednesday, Michelle is arranging for us to go to a Primary School and help the childen do some torchlight photographs! I think this will be the most exciting part of the week.

I do like that it's the 1st December today, which means in about 12 days, it will be acceptable for me to drink everyday until I don't want to anymore. I think it'll be quite nice.

Oh, Michelle is about to read us a fairtale, 'would you be offended if I read you this story book?'. I was never read stories as a child though, so I cannot wait. The Little Fir Tree illustrated by Marcel Ismand.

I'm Moving to France on Tuesday.

The Physical Impossibility of Ian

In the Mind of Someone Living.


'I'm going to show you my Graphics Tablet.'

I need to fall down the stairs.

Last night, I spent many, many hoiurs doing my photography finishing touches. I think I will be okay, and I have given everything in to michelle now. I have this feeling I have forgotten something though. It's rather conspicuous and makes me suddenly feel panic and my eyes hurt. I hope I don't remember JUST as I'm about to sleep because it hurts too much.

When I was going to bed last night, I came across four piles of vomit, some blood and some poo. I am very worried my pussy cat Magic may be quite ill :(. I have never had to clean up a pool of blood like that. I had to cry and I threw up my tea. Poor Magic :(


It feels very good to have my work done and given in, even though I spent about half an hour surrounded by terrible people waiting to buy a ticket for the christmas thing at college. Marcus already has one, so now I can't NOT or he'll look like a total square at a christmas event alone. Poor Marcus :| OR NOT. I will buy one tomorrow when I'm supposed to be in Graphics. It will be easy for me to get out because I have finished all my work :) I hope a very fat lady does shout at us all again because we were lining up in a way we should be. STUPID woman.
I am so hungry.

The Winning Bidder.

I JUST GOT THE BEST FEELING.

I was browsing ebay's selection of 35mm cameras, and I had been talking to my step dad about getting a camera pre-70's on ebay for dirt cheeeeap spends, and look what I stumbled across later on. THIS BAD BOY TO THE LEFT!

I check up on it. The winning bidder is my step dad (L).

'Don't get shitty with me!'

Friday night was my work's christmas event! I was so excited, but I messed up my getting ready time by sitting in Worden Coffee Shop with Marcus! Oh, and he has the cheek to say 'You're dragging me down with you!' Dear, dear Barnett, we'll see what Anne has to say about this kind of sabotage. It was pleasant though :)

So, I had half an hour to get ready. Nicola Young had an issue with her shower and had to run around to mine to get ready. We stared at each other from each end of the stairs shaking our heads for ages. 'We are utter wastemen'. It was the most fun gettin ready quickly though, and we didn't do a bad job by the end :D

By the time we got to the shop,most people were already drunk. Bottles of sambucca, wine, champagne, malibu and things I can't remember were passed around. I don't remember having two drinks the same. This isn't usually what I'd do :(
We got in the taxi, and it was hilarious. So many unflattering photographs were taken and we all had a joke. Good ones (Y).

When we got there, we all got drinks. PINT OF CHEEKY VIMTO £8.80 :| The guy gave us doubles instead of singles, like we asked to be ripped off this way. Give it about half an hour and two people from our group were throwing up in the toilet. We got put on water for two hours and shamed by the staff for being 'too drunk'! They said, if we tried to buy another drink from the bar we would be kicked out! We didn't even get to watch the amazing boyband, Envy. Heartbroken.

So, we ended up leaving some three hours early after a complete sham of a meal! We piled into the cocktail factory where they gave us all free shots and invited us into the VIP area! We saw people getting fully turned away so, it was a nice feeling :). After a million cocktails we went to Wallstreet and Liz fell asleep on the sinks :| Oh liiiiiz! We figured it was hometime as everyone was all danced out and ready for bed.
I made a cheese sandwich when I got home.
I loved it.

Monster Grab XXL

I was told my photographs are 'inspirational' :| I have never been more embarrassed.
I wish I could be nice and say something that wouldn't make the complimenter feel like they have said something wrong!
I am terrible.


Tomorrow, I have that big event! It should be alright you know :) I'm quite excited about it really.
I got a few things developed today, a colour so I couldn't do it myself :( but I got my negatives back this time! Here are a few...


oh P.S Marcus has heartbreaking icons.

Flora Buttery

You aren't foolin' anyone.

Happy people holding hands.

I don't know how to feel about yesterday. It was successful and at the same time an utter failure.

I ended up staying awake until 4am, talking to Marcus, watching various brilliant films and writing about sexual things in my photography book. CRINGE. I had to also note that I am not a fan of sexual content when studying photographers, just so she doesn't judge me to the highest level of pervert.

I found a lovely dress also. I set my heart on it, it was just beautiful. Until I found out it was £120. Who does Kate Moss think she is? Charging that amount, knowing full well scrounging little students like me will want to be able to pay for that dress. NOT LIKELY.
So I ventured elsewhere in the shop of top and found in the nice boutique section upstairs the most perfect dress in the whole wide world. I love it to the highest amount. It's so cute and sweet and little. It's not a slaggy little dress though :|
Anyway, I try the dress on, it's nice and makes me feel like I'm small. I didn't have he money to pay for it on me at the time, so I hid it and went to take the money out. As I came back, I obviously picked up the wrong size and bought it :( When I got home I wanted to show my mum, and I had told her it's jolly and looks lovely. IT SURE DIDN'T. You should have seen her face :( utter disappointment. So now I have the wrong size, and all I want is to be able to put it on and have a cheeky dance around.

All my deadlines :( BAD, BAD, BAD.

Also making me bad is the fact I just sat with my tutor, filled in an application saying I work for the Chorley Guardian to try to get a press pass for the clothes show live. BAD, BAD PERSON.

I really want it to be my birthday, so I can get it all out of the way and live my adult life. How very boring of me, to want the festivities to be over before they have even began. I fear there may be a few hiccups on the night, it's probable and it's not something I'm looking forward to :(.

I'm going to go and hide away in the darkroom for the rest of the day to do cyanotypes. Steph things I have a problem, she was genuinely concerned at work on saturday. It doesn't help that I had cried infront of leanne and helen just a week before. I never cry.

I'm not late, you're lucky.

I'm a little annoyed.

This....'art that offends' essay business- apparently everyone has done tracey emin :( And muggins here is half way through an Emin quilt, painstakingly pricking her fingers as she goes, dragging up terrible memories in desperate need of a heart wrenching quote to sew down only to find out it's probably what about twenty other people are doing too?! I'm angry.
Come to think of it, most people don't know shit about the quilts and blankets and only pay attention to the bed and the tent. So I might be safe.
And again, come to think of it I think everyone will be comparing her with the works of The Chapman brothers and their, as one person put it, 'bad art' Zygotic Acceleration, because they can write more than 100 words about that. GOH. I'm very, very angry.

ALSO, our Richard. Richard Billingham is the other I am comparing:) He's a master, I love him. I don't know of anyone else who is doing Richard, so...Wendy will have something fresh to be mesmorised by. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't walk away with a distinction from our Wendy :)

I want to get back to my oh-so-painful quilt making, because it's charming and not as bad as I made it sound :).



Angry.

Dr. Who now?

I went to the doctor today. I can't pronounce his last name, and I don't mean that in a racially discriminatory way. It's just, every time a person said it I hardly heard it.
He was a very nice man and he put his tools in me. ;);););););)

So, I have some sort of a viral infection, which means no pills or liquids will make me feel better and I will continue to feel bad for the next few days :( I keep throwing up phlegm and little bits of blood. How very, very attractive.

I have to shop quickly for my Christmas event with work! Kerrie called me today, and we'll be merry-making on the 21st of this month! Which does not give me a lot of time at all. Mum says I have to get sparkly shoes also.

I haven't been on facebook for about a week, until today, where I found a friend request from my oh-so-dear-ex. I did not take to it very lightly, considering he was the one who wanted to delete me from his life completely, and now when he's all ready to involve himself with me again, he allows me to knock on his door? No thank you, Adam. I don't think I ever want to see that boy ever again, now knowing how amazing the people who have picked me up are. I don't know if it's a high standards thing, but I don't want to ever concern myself with him again.
I hope he reads this, not as a cheap jab in the ribs, but as a massive fuck off, and stop trying to worm your way in.

Magpies.

Today, there were only around 6 of us partaking in lessons. The whole morning was filled with Darkroom antics with my favourite first year, and then I was left alone. I ate alone, developed alone, spoke alone and sat quietly alone. It was nice :)
I decided to take my alone time elsewhere, so I walked over to Worden. It was just lovely.
I sat with the ducks on the deck whilst I snipped at my prints, I sat on a bench and watched the dogs playing together and spoke to old men about their dogs.
Whilst I was walking there, Nicholas gave me a ring so I was feeling particularly friendly. It was lovely. An hour on the park with myself.

I get to annoy myself mostly. I think about silly things until I'm upset, but recently I have had nothing silly to think about. Or haven't let myself think about those things, so either way my good mood is safe :).

Tonight I am going to write a very striking essay on Richard Billingham and Tracey Emin, and have a brew with Nicholas. It should be warm because the park was very chilly, and I have a fire at home that I can snuggle up in front of.


Last night, in the bath, I spoke to Nicola Young! I am so glad to hear her voice again. She's nothing but a treat! :)




I only ever see the one magpie these days, but I don't feel it's bad luck. He's probably just looking for shiney things.

take only what you need from me.

Today was an amazing, amazing day.
'i'll make you a deal here Kathryn Heatley...' :). Gosh I am very happy with these happenings.

My sister is doing my hair as we speak :|. 'You really suit a ponytail' :|:|:|:|:|. No thank you, slave.

Tomorrow will be my first day back at college and I know I will probably be sad/very happy about it. But after the sham I will go to Nicholas' house and have a brew and a dance.

It was a nice time today. We went to Worden and conquered the maze, had a brew in the cafe and talked about little children and the fact barbie has a friend called Becky who's in a wheelchair. :|:|:|

Sk3mo.

I am having troubles.

Party invitations are the silliest things ever, and when you lose the list...GOH.
I feel like if this were a bigger thing, I'd be wondering round with empty bags and my laces untied.

I wish I could say they were recycled paper too, but they aren't :(.

Hallowe'en, I love and hate equally. I don't like the dressing up and people scaring me, but I love the way we get about 3 under 4's coming to our house, but mum insists we have a bigger bowl of sweets than anyone on the street. MORE FOOL HER! Sarah and Kathryn steal all night long babyyy.
I don't even think we're getting a pumpkin :( What a let down of a festive time.


'm@rth@ bviier3vp'

POST-MODERN FUCK.

Last night, Marcus Barnett and I went to a beer festival. It was a delight.

Aside from the ordeal of trying to get to Marcus so we could go to the event, where I ran up and down the same road a few times remembering the fire and dropping my purse on the wet grass. That was probably the low point of the evening.
In the wind and the road we walked through Avenam at NIGHT! Solid us. It wasn't the scene of terror people have made it out to be, it was quite nice really. Except for where half of my hair got soaked. NICE LOOK.
The room was all big and full of burly men. Many of whom were 7foot tall, with long blonde locks, and some of whom hovered around for a conversation. 'We would be talking to him right now...'
Throughout the night we saw many men fall unconscious, walk into walls, hit their heads on door frames AND SMOKE INDOORS. It was nice. Everytime I walked into the ladies, a woman engaged in conversation with me. Friendly people all around in the continental.
So when we were all sat together in a conversation that I can only recall, was based around Marxism and hair dye, Marcus and I decided to call it a day. We decided to run through most if avenam to get home, walked the length of Preston looking for a taxi, got home and 'just hung around really' :). I enjoyed our Beer Festival evening.
If anyone is interested, it's on until the beer runs out.



'what are you drinking there....yeah? That's my ALL TIME favourite drink, don't gulp it, sip it.'
Trust.

Strong Hands.

Another day, another embarrassing story.
Today's edition involves the post office and my American Apparel package.

Because nobody can do a job properly around here, I took it upon myself to go get the package that has been sitting all lonesome in the depot since forever.
I thought 'I was on Christian road, and there was even a post office there, so why wouldn't I be in the right place?!' So I enter the Post Office and ask where I can pick up my package all I got in reply was 'You want to be on Christian Road, love.' DO I?!
I was in totally the wrong place making a tit out of myself in front of about 15 people. Nice oooone.

I walk towards some kind of a warehouse and am ignored by everyone there until a very large, balding work man came, took my card and gave me the package that had caused so much turmoil in my recent days.
IT WAS THE SIZE OF A SCATTER CUSHION.


I like it, I like it alot.
Thanks to American Apparel, Man in Depot and Man in Post office.


STARBUCKS QUUUIIIZZZZZ!

Upgradings.

I have made a complete fool of myself.
This whole time I have been saying UCAS wont let me on, I have been trying to log in in the entirely wrong way. So when it came to sitting down with an adviser, which I was hesitant to do anyway due to my explicit password she might have seen, she told me to do a few things I would have done at home, except for one. So I got into my account without any issues. She looked at me like I was some kinda chump.
I really, really hate myself.



But at least I can do it now. Personal statement awaaaay!

Mr Providings.

It's just come to my attention that if UCAS doesn't stop fucking around by Friday, I'll have missed my deadline and be waiting a whole other year to get into university. Awesome.

I have my stone cold heart set on UCLAN now. I asked the lady how many people usually apply and she said over one hundred, and about 40 get onto the course. Pressure or what?
It would be nice.
It would be very nice indeed.

'Sorry about yesterday, were you expecting me?' Wow. Not so much. I'm just embarrassed. It would be easier and nicer to be just told 'no thank you'. It's a tad upsetting. I'm not one of those girls who stares at her phone waiting for a boy to text, I can get by just fine without the contact but when things are supposed to be arranged, it's annoying. I didn't know whether to make other arrangements with people, or leave it open. I chose to make arrangements, a bloody good job too! I'm not prepared to wait around for that kind of thing. No matter how gentlemanly and handsome he might be.
I might have old fashioned values, but I'm not waiting for the Royal Mail here!



Times have been terrible recently. Just terrible.



On the upside however, I enjoy the company of these particular people and we'll all be attending Starbucks quiz :) I realised I never go out with friends anymore, so you can imagine my delight. And to see my Hornby again after so long will be heart warming. I miss her. Supposedly these questions are impossible, but I'm sure we'll come up with some pleasing answers, gain a few points on comedy...maybe.

Bee Ee Ell Ell Ee Enn Dee

I am such an embarrassment to myself.

This weekend I am going to UCLAN to have a poke around and see how it compares to how amazing Derby University is. Apparently my building at UCLAN is bright green and orange....
UCLAN-1, DERBY-0.

I should also be going on my second date this weekend :). Yeah babyyy! I think this time I'm giggle less. Not that I was going crazy but he kept saying 'why are you laughing?'. He made me laugh when he didn't mean to, which means he was being natural and I found it HILARIOUS. I am so terrible. :(

Tuesday is Starbucks quiz. Nicola, Marcus, Fianna and I! I haven't been out with Fianna in so long, but we love it when Marcus invites us to parties we can't go to. It's a chuckle.
It should be a beautiful night.

It's quite annoying that this guy I ma talking to claims to be an English teacher but spells 'course' like this... 'cource'. And spells the word 'Photos' like this...'photoes' consistently. Not only do I hate spelling mistakes, I hate consistency.

These are new photographs I have developed this week. Darkroom (L).

Claire Danes.

RIGHT. The post that was here was a sham and I thought I had deleted it. If anyone is aware of Claire Danes, there was a picture of her that I morphed into a picture of me and it was actually like nothing had changed. Other pictures however prove she looks nothing like me at all. :|
Slight disappointment.

Goldsmiths.

It's a crying shame that two people now have deleted me because they can't bare to watch me living my life. I'm doing just fine and they can't stand it. I hate the fact I'm so dispensable to people. If these first two can, what's stopping everyone I have ever upset in my life?

If every human had their own 'delete' button, I imagine mine would have been pressed a fair few times. Come find me, I'm in the trash can.

I hate it when people bring me down so hard my stomach hurts and I start to shake.

Swan Painting.

Kathy gave me a painting of to swans she had done especially for me :) The ultimate highlight of my day.

I spent the whole day today making these...




Sorry about the shoddy scanning. My camera is having trouble formatting itself. I took some lovely photographs of them too! :(. BOOO.
If you need a card making, I'm your girl.

You Don't Swing Where You Sleep.

My dream was wonderful.


Go to http://www.newislington.co.uk/tuttifrutti/ and design your own house in 20 seconds.

I designed a few. My personal favourites being 'Poo House' 'Levi's House' and 'House House'. It's the most fun you'll have in the next 20 seconds. I swear.

We Are Building A Religion.

I swear my life gets better and better everyday!

Even though I complain, I actually quite like the fact my hands are just peeling themselves to the bone. All these nasty chemicals I have my hands in almost everyday are working their way through my skin. It's painful, but I feel like I've achieved something. Like the feeling you get when a pop-up appears on your screen when they tell you you've won $100,000,000,000,000,000. Good feelings.

In other news. I got a text from him today :) Not only was I having a nice darkroom session, he sent me some lovely words and I giggled like a child.
Gosh.

It's now tuesday and I forgot to continue this blog last night. Bad times.
On the way home, we (Hannah and I) were sat very close to the elusive STEPH. It was certainly a ide home to remember...
You know there's always that person who sits next to you on the bus, and you don't want them to be there? You can see them getting on the bus and you get the worst feeling that they choose to sit next to you. It's not that you're being nasty or rude or closed-off, it's that they stare at you, or talk to themselves and you become so uncomfortable your hands start to clam up. THIS IS STEPH.
We always find her texting on the way home, texting who we would never know, or what she was texting we would still never know. Until this particular bus ride home!
She spend, I'd say, 22 minutes typing out this text, deleting spaces and re-writing them, until finally it read 'hey, did Katie find her phone? How are you? What you doin tonight?' Which seemed quite a reasonable message to send someone. She seemed genuinely concerned about this Katie in question. Or so it seemed, until she sent the text message to herself.

Good day.

Clive Owen.

Today, I met a nice first year in the darkroom. I was alone, developing a few Weston inspired peppers, and he and his friends arrived. They were all quite charming and funny. I'm glad I had a good experience with a first year. I hear such terrible things about them!
Rob and I shared photographic paper and admired each other's photographs. It was a pleasant three hours we spent. I enjoyed it. I hope we pass each other again, through the revolving door.

On Friday at work, I might be invited to put up the christmas decorations with all the Lush ladies and boy. I can't help but feel like a fool for doing it, though. It's very soon and our shop is set up for jokes anyway, I know people will come in a argue us into the ground for having the decorations up so soon.
But then again, I guess the soon the better.

Here are two of the photographs I developed today in the darkroom.

'ignorant bitch, fuck you'

I love that fact that after making a comment about how a woman dressed her dogs in clothes, she simply called me an 'ignorant bitch'. How foolish.
Not only is she ignorant of the hereditary diseases and difficulties that particular breed are currently facing due to inbreeding and genetic mutations, she's also ignorant of how uncomfortable the dogs would be, not to mention the colours TOTALLY clashed with the dog's fur!
Maybe that woman should think twice about posting photographs of how she spends her ridiculously wasted days, and consider that she's leaving herself open to be challened.

Where an animal is concerned, I'll rip you apart. And they say owners look like their dogs.

I'll Give You Something To Talk About.

Today is aparently, a horrendously awkward day. Everything I do causes some kind of awkward tension.
I hate it.
I'm sat between too people. who are usually really chatty and fun, but have obviously had an argument. So when I turn up all breathless and windswept, in fear of being late. it wasn't such a welcoming atmosphere to stumble into. I hope it doesn't continue like this. It's finally tolerable here. Gosh.
In other news, breakthrough! I was down The Grove on saturday. Facebook way hooked me up, he's such a charmer! I think he'll be mine soon.
My life seems to be quite peachy, recently. I'm working hard, though. I have bags under my eyes and my roots are coming through. I didn't realise happiness came at a cost. :|

The Weight Of Water.

What's all this talk of Christmas? It's only september, I'm not ready for the christmas rush yet. I'm not feeling very holly jolly. Nor am I feeling like I can put up with the usual people for about two months.

Today, my mother and I were driving down the bypass, and we happened to pass a white van parked up at the side or the road. Then man who was driving it had a bottle of weedkiller and was spraying a bunch of tiny dandelion leaves. I had to think why on eath was he spraying them. Over the new few days I will undoubtably see them slowly dying, at the side of the road, not affecting anyone. Little things like that tick me off and make my day, on relfection, terrible.
What happened to 'save it for when we need it'?

The Final Staw.

I feel like my original self portrait.
My day just became awful. Why would he want to make me feel like that? 'I wanted to make you shake'. Well fucking done.

Situation Number One.

These two photographs sum me up perfectly.

I think this year is going to be the best of all. I have configured my Big One Eight Mash-up. I can confirm to you all that no other than the great Obama is on there. Not only are they Building and Religion, but they're also Calling you DUDE!. Look it up.

Sunday Secrets.

I love you.
It shocks me how many I can think of doing myself. I hate to have secrets, but some are so sordid I couldn't show a soul, so Post Secret wont be getting a postcard from me.

Today I find out terrible things about my friends. On reflection, it might have been the worst day of my life. Everyone around me seems to be in constant angst and upset. It's deeply distressing to know my nearest and dearest are going through awful times, and the most I could possibly do is sit down with them and have a brew.
We spoke for a few hours today, none stop. Some of it made me want to smash my face into the floor. There was once a time it was me saying these things and feeling as she does, it must be so awful for her. I don't exactly know what to do, but remind her of something I am certain she will be happy about. There's only so many times I can do this though. How long before I'm out of conversation starters and all it's down to is my cardigan beings dripped on with tears? I'm worried I can't do my job properly.

It's also my least favourite thing to realise how fake your friends might be. It's all very well and good that they're your friend and will be for a very long time, but what they might be doing to another person repulses me with every thought. Manipulation is a crying shame. Especially when it's put upon someone you care so deeply for. Like I do.

I never want to embarrass myself like I did at the beginning of the college year, ever again. Which means I could never approach them. So when I recieved a text today saying I should come over, I could do nothing but stare at the screen and hate the fact I had no credit. How ignorant I must have looked. He was looking right at me as I read it, I know he was. Everytime I tried to make eyecontact he wasn't looking. Who could potentially be a good friend, I ruined it once more. Perfect, thank you Martha.

I wish he would stop it, everytime he says it to me my skin crawls. He said it to me again last night and all I could do was sit in silence. I must have to tell him at least five times that it's too late, and everytime I say it I hate myself a little more.

Getting Back To My Roots.

After the most mortifying year of my life, I today returned to the place that caused me to cry in the toilets. It was okay. I’m genuinely excited about the forthcoming nine months at College. So excited infact that I promised myself I would work my fingers to the bone and fill as many A3 sketchbooks as my pocket could afford.

Summer wasn’t anything particularly special. I have nothing to show and feel like I was kicking my heels when the fun was happening. I feel like I need to record this time in college and compare it to ’07, so I ‘feel the benefit’.